Taking stock

It was one week ago today that Deana passed away.

I remember laying in my bed that night, thinking about things. Mainly about our friends and family. The ones we love and don't see nearly as often as we'd like.

There are many of them that we'd love to live closer to and probably eventually will. But, many of them we aren't able to live closer to, like my family in England.

Long story short, my mother was born in England, came over here at a fairly young age, met my dad, dated for a long time, got married, had me, and then my brother. There are many, many, many more details that I won't bore you with. To sum it up, she never moved back to England, although I don't doubt she thought of it nearly every day.

So, half of my family lives halfway across the world. Growing up, I didn't realize how sucky that was. We spent a bunch of time with my dad's side of the family and would occasionally travel to England to see the other half. It was what it was.

As I got older and especially after my mom died, I wanted to visit with the family I rarely saw growing up. I took Kim out there. We took Dustyn out there. We even took Connor and Sasha out there. That last trip was the best.

They were 14 months old. I desperately wanted my grandparents to meet their great grandchildren. So, Kim, Dustyn and I packed up everything but the kitchen sink and headed over. The travelling was a nightmare. They were severely jet lagged and cranky. They didn't eat. They didn't sleep well. They screamed...and I mean SCREAMED...on the flights, annoying most, if not all, of the passengers.

But you know what? It was worth every. single. moment.

Hands down.

To get the pictures and video of our little miracles with their great grandparents made every stress disappear. To see the smiles on my grandparents' faces as they watched Connor and Sasha playing...

We all knew it was a special trip.

5 months later, my grandfather passed away.

I know that if we hadn't gone with the kids that November, brushing it off because the trip would be too difficult with twin toddlers, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life.

I thought about this that night. And that's when I decided to go over there in September.

My cousin is getting married and I wasn't sure if I was going to go. I really wanted to, but kept coming up with reasons not to, mainly money and time.

I lay in bed, thinking about Deana. How her husband has always told us to hug our loved ones tightly. I knew I needed to go to England to not only see my cousin get married, but to give my grandmother a big hug. I have to go over there while I can. No excuses.

Because, like I've said before, tomorrow is never a promise. I learned this when my mom died 10 years ago and Deana's death was a reminder. If I don't go out there to see my family, especially my grandmother, I know I'll regret it.

So, I booked my tickets today and I'm going. To be quite honest, I'm absolutely nervous to fly by myself. I hate flying. The thought of it gives me mild panic attacks. And going alone, without Kim and the kids, freaks me out even more.

But I know it will all be worth it in the end.

To finally hug those I love. Tightly.