This or that?

I am a very indecisive person. It takes me ages to make up my mind.

- What color should I paint the toy room? Orange? Blue? Yellow? I need to just go look at paint chips.

- What should I post about on the blog? There's not much going on, but yet we're always so busy.

- Should I really color my hair auburn and cut it shorter? What if it doesn't look right?

- Which plants should I buy for the garden to get The Look I'm trying to create? What if I mess it up? That'll be a waste of time and money.

- Should I apply for the job at the Holiday Inn? Will it take me away from my family too much? Will it be worth it? We could really use the extra money, though.

I have these things running through my mind pretty much every day, for most of the day. This is one of the main reasons I waited so long to potty train the kids. I'm always second guessing myself.

And when I'm not sure of what to do, I talk about it with friends and family, over and over, trying to get their opinions. Trying to get some reassurance that what I really want to do is the right thing to do.

I never used to be like this. Not when I lived on my own. But, as soon as Mr. Right came along, "my" decisions became "our" decisions. Because I do value his opinion and I believe he should have a say in most of these things.

Please note: I said "most."

While I don't want to go back to work, I (we) do believe it is the best thing to do right now. I'll be tired. I won't see Kim or the kids as much as I want to. My social life, or whatever I have left of one, will go down a bit. But we do need the money, especially with the kids starting preschool in the fall. And they are hiring. And I'm qualified. And it's better than flipping burgers.

I have the application all filled out. Just need to attach my resume and submit it.
We'll see.

I have made an appointment for Saturday morning to get my hair cut and colored auburn. If it were up to Kim, my hair would be much, much longer. But I've really become used to having short hair. It's easy. It looks cute. And I'm not able to pull it back in a ponytail, like I would if it were long. Therefore, it forces me to actually do it.

(My hair is one of the "most" decisions I was referring to above.)

I'm nervous about coloring my hair so drastically, but I've been thinking about it for a long time. I need to just jump in with both feet and do it.

Same thing with the toy room. And the blog. And the job. And the plants. And pretty much everything else I keep mulling around in my head.

It's a wonder I sleep at night.

Wait a minute...I don't really do that much either.

Geez.